arup’s blog

The final report of 2011 which will look back over the whole of the year as well as the month of December. What I’m going to do is to write both the annual review and the monthly review in separate paragraphs under the same heading.

2011 started off with the promise of being a year where I was just going to chill and enjoy myself but by the end of February this all changed. Things got really busy. I spent a month studying Java intensively and then lots of website work started to come in. I wrestled with the dilemma of trying to work and cover my costs while also staying focused on my studies. The whole perspective of the year suddenly changed.

One surprising thing that happened over the course of the year was that I began to relax inside. I began to feel more and more settled. In the back of my mind I know that I’m renting this flat and that at some point the landlords will want to sell the property. This idea caused me a lot of anxiety when I first moved in but it has gradually moved into the background. I also became less and less worried about money. Not that I had any more than the previous year but just that my attitude to it changed. I felt more confident that I would get the amount that I needed and stopped thinking so much about career and income. On the one hand this is a good thing because it allows me to relax and feel generally more confident about life but it could also lead to complacency. Perhaps that isn’t really a worry as my alarm bells start ringing at fairly low thresholds on all fronts. That’s just how I am.

It’s now the middle of January 2012 and I need to put 2011 behind me. I’ve just completed the 2012 year plan along with a document outlining the definition of each goal. With that in mind this end of year report might have to be a little bit short.

120 miles

During December I was quite ill with what I thought was cystitis so had lots of time off at home which means very little cycling. The intention was there but the strength and energy were not.

Throughout 2011 I found that I was hitting an average of 90 miles per week. That was covered by my regular yoga class commutes and it was only when I rode up to Racer Rosa in Walthamstow that I managed to go over the 120 mile mark. This trip covered about 34 miles in total but unfortunately didn’t happen each and every week. In the summer I tried to introduce the idea of adding small amounts of extra mileage to my regular commutes but it just didn’t stick. The only realistic way of getting the other 30 miles if I wasn’t going to Walthamstow that week was to go for a ride. A day at home is precious to me and in some ways more valuable than going out for a ride. I certainly didn’t want to go and ride in traffic unless it was really necessary.

Meditation

Aside from my very short (they have been getting shorter) sessions after my morning pages I have not really had any other sessions. This was clearly a bit disappointing especially as things did look promising earlier in the year.

Over the year interest has gradually dwindled especially as other interests and work took precedence. I know I will continue to do my very short sits but I think that it would be futile to try and improve on that from what I have seen over the year. So this one is not being carried over into 2012.

Yoga

I think I did a couple of very short sessions just to stretch out a few stiff parts but that was all. Very much in passing rather than to actually have a session. Still it was something rather than nothing.

I keep thinking back to those heady days in the mid-nineties when my practice was strong. Even in the early 2000’s it was still fairly strong and I used to teach a lot of classes. But it’s been such a long time since then and I seem to assume that I can just slip back to that level without a second thought. I’m fed up of teaching and that spills over onto yoga itself and I just don’t feel like doing it when I have time because it just feels like work. But when I do get absorbed it really is good. I do eventually want to quit teaching but don’t want to lose my connection with yoga as it has been so important to me. So I think it is imperative that I do my own practice in whatever form that may take at my current phase of life.

Friends

I think I managed to keep in touch with the ones that are closest. But no way of quantifying it. I haven’t really kept any records and don’t really have a way of measuring how well I fared. Earlier in the year I realised that it’s no good trying to keep in touch with everyone that I know and maintain some measure of contact. So I decided to stop chasing them and feel much better for it. But for how long.

Overall I think I did OK and managed to keep in touch with everyone. I think that I have a good balance between being on my own and being with friends, at least a balance that I like. The only thing I’m missing is some way of measuring or tracking it. That might also show how I’m fretting about it.

De-clutter

I had a little bit of a tidy up and clearout in December and noticed what a difference it made. But there is just so much more stuff to ditch. But as always I find it hard to let it go. Some of it has sentimental value and others have monetary value so could be sold. Thus the items continue to lurk remaining in a pending state and reminding me that I need to do something about it. Sometimes I wish that someone would come and do it for me then I wouldn’t know what had gone. It’s an awful tension to be urgently wanting to get rid of this stuff but at the same time feeling this great hesitation.

The situation that I’ve described above has been going on all year with short bursts of clutter clearance. I never did actually plan a slot to get shot of the stuff and so it just stays there staring at me. I really do hope that it’s not there when it comes time to move and I have to pack it all up again without even using it from the time that I moved in to the time that I moved out. That would be really sad.

Java programming

Didn’t do any of this in December. I was ill for a lot of the month which meant that I was home but I was engrossed in a database course from Stanford and then got a bit of web development work to do. The Java got very much sidelined.

At the start of the year it was added to the list as a minor goal. Something that I was going to do just for fun but then it turned into the main thing that I was going to do. I then made a lot of effort creating more time to do it but by the time I had done that I seemed to have lost track. I finally got back on track in September and decided to study during the hours that Maya was at nursery. That worked until the end of November when I got sick. It never felt as though I was getting very far and that I was inching along. I did make progress but it was nowhere enough to get me any employment.

Strength training

I stopped doing this quite a few months ago due to injury and stiffness so aside from the minimal amount that occurred during yoga or cycling I didn’t do my formal routine. It took a long while for the injuries to heal and for the normal level of flexibility to return.

I do like the idea of this one and did have a good run with it but due to the reasons stated above I will not be carrying this one over into 2012.

Reading a book a month

Due to being ill and being home a lot during December I did do a lot of reading. Nothing too high brow but a best seller, the Millennium trilogy by Stieg Larsson. I spent most of Christmas day reading the last chapter of the final book and was up until 3.00 am continuing to read. I was fuelled by coffee which is something that I rarely drink but did enjoy it on this occasion.

Over the course of the year this has been a most enjoyable goal with little or no stress about how and when to do it. A bit like the morning pages it has just chugged along on its own steam. I bought an Amazon Kindle at the start of the year to help things along and to my great delight it didn’t get left on the shelf. As well as the reading itself there have been monthly Reading Days which have acted as days to spend reading of course but also as days off where I have gone out to a café or pub to read rather than stay at home. Both of these will be carried over to 2012.

Raw food and meal planning

Aside from a few apples and grapes and a handful of cherry tomatoes I wouldn’t say that a high percentage of my diet was raw. In fact until well into December it was the usual amount of junk comprising of heavily buttered toast, biscuits and whatever else seemed to be around. Having had problems with my kidneys and bladder from the end of November the doctor had my blood tested. The results showed that everything was good except for my cholesterol level. This was a real blow as I had always thought of myself as healthy but that was perhaps three years ago. I radically changed my diet immediately and cut back on saturated fat as far as possible. It was also quite a relief that Christmas was coming up and that I didn’t have to eat all that rich food. But I did tuck into a fair bit of smoked salmon and other oily fish. It was also a bit of a blow to my general level of confidence that I had let something slip that far. Who was I trying to kid? If one consumes that much butter and lard then it doesn’t really matter how many miles are cycled each week, the cholesterol will build up.

Just like many a new year’s resolution my intentions to improve my diet fell into this category. I’m a normal human being after all and not someone who has iron will. Sometimes I like to think that I am and if I fail then I tell myself that I chose to do so. Funny that. But I got the proverbial kick up the backside that was required to make the necessary changes. This will be carried forward into 2012 but under the more general heading of healthy nutrition.

Proper holidays

If you can call lying in bed in pain for a few days a proper holiday then I had one in early December. It was certainly a break from work and general stuff but wasn’t very pleasant. I also incurred a weeks worth of losses in income. I’m not really comfortable with the word holiday and I’m not sure why I used it in this heading but there it is. I would prefer something like break or downtime. Holiday conjures up time spent sight-seeing or in some form of touristic activity. I tend to deplore such things. But when I felt in less pain I did do a fair bit of reading and even some studying which would count as a reading day.

I had a couple of short trips to Brighton and a few days in Geneva. Even a weekend in Wales. I’m a little bit disappointed as I think there was a missed opportunity here because the goal wasn’t defined clearly enough. I’m only now getting a handle what is important for me in terms of a break or time away from it all. Trial and error I guess. Due to this vagueness I’m not carrying this one over but it will get subsumed into the reading days.

As I move from 2011 to 2012 I’m following the same strategies as I’ve followed in the previous years which is to carry over some ongoing goals from the previous year. But this year there aren’t that many ongoing goals but quite a few one off goals which have been in the someday / maybe list if you’re familiar with GTD parlance. The general feeling is that there aren’t many big changes this year but a great deal of small increments and improvements which I suppose in total give a sense that something big is happening. It does feel exciting to be on top of things and be looking forward to all the goals on my list.

I feel very engaged with all of the things on my list. I have removed any that were only good intentions. This is another way to de-clutter and to focus on the things that are really important. If there are things on the list that aren’t really that important then they are a bit like interruptions which tend to draw energy away from the main focus. I hope this means that I will be able to stay wholeheartedly engaged with everything that I do this year.

Carried forward from 2011

• Cycling 120 miles per week
• Yoga
• Friends
• De-clutter
• Java programming
• Reading a book a month
• Reading day

New for 2012

• Regular cycle rides
• Healthy nutrition
• Speed reading
• Blogging

Short projects

• Blog revamp
• Build a Hackintosh
• Start straight shaving
• Go for a proper bike fitting
• Get divorced

Having listed all of my major goals for 2012 I’m now going to describe each one in detail. The ones that have been carried over have been discussed before but I will write something about them again because I would like to see how I feel about them now after years of being carried over.

Cycling 120 miles per week

During 2011 the average weekly mileage was something around the 90 mile mark. The shortfall was going to be made up by adding a few extra miles to my route if fewer journeys were going to be carried out that week. But of course that means a little extra planning at the start of the week. This makes perfect sense in theory as I’m already out there on my bike. But in practice this idea was only implemented on a few occasions. Why? Because my rides to and from work are commutes rather than rides. The object is to get from A to B rather than to ride and enjoy. I usually have other plans which cause me to curtail my ride and move onto something else.

An average of 30 miles to add to four commutes or eight journeys would mean an additional 7.5 miles per day. That means route planning to increase the distance of each journey. Not really ideal when the weather is bad or when I’m cycling during the rush hour. I can’t really see it becoming a regular thing. On the way to a class it wouldn’t work as I’d have to leave earlier and am anxious to get there on time. On the way home I’m tired and I just want to get home. So the best solution is an addition ride when I know that commuting isn’t going to cover the allotted mileage.

Yoga

This year my plan is to cut back on teaching yoga even though I’m only teaching five classes a week. But they do take up a lot of time and I’m getting rather bored of them. But there is a case of throwing the baby out with the bath water. This is the main reason that I commute into town and if I didn’t teach how much practice would I do on my own? There are also money worries too. I can’t just go ahead and quit a couple of classes as my costs are only just being covered by current income and yoga teaching is a big part of that income.

I’ve offered one of my private clients a free class every four weeks or so if they can do a session by themselves once a week. It doesn’t have to be a long session or anything formal as long as they spend some time doing a few postures each week. I’ve told them that I will follow the same goal as my practice has been rather slack. But again this is something that needs to be planned and given a time slot each week. Somehow I think I can manage one session as opposed to a full practice regime similar to my plan during the mid-nineties.

Friends

In 2011 I was merely thinking about the value of friendship and how important it is to keep in touch with people. Later into the year I was getting a bit annoyed with how much I seemed to be the one making all the effort. All the while I was looking for a way to organise my contact and also put my friends into categories in some way either by closeness or importance. I never implemented this idea. But I’m just seeing the importance of it now.

As I have done with my goals so can I do with my friends. Those with whom I feel a strong connection should obviously have the greatest priority and any that I feel aren’t really worth the effort should be classed into a lower level of importance. In this way I won’t really mind making the effort if that particular friend means a lot to me. I think what perhaps annoyed me in the past was that I was making a similar amount of effort at keeping in touch with all levels of friends. What I need to then is fairly clear: to put my friends into a set of categories and then keep a log of the contact and when next to get in touch.

I found letters from friends dating back to the nineties. Back then we used to write to each other. Nowadays it’s social networking so we seem to have more contact but actually it’s less of a proper meeting. I might even take the time to write proper emails.

Being so analytical and systematic with friendships can seem a bit cold or non-organic as though friendships should work that way but as I’ve found, most people don’t make much of an effort unless they are prompted.

De-clutter

This has been a goal for so many years that I often wonder if I ever get anywhere with it. But toward the end of 2011 I made some strident efforts and gained some new enthusiasm about it. Clearing out stuff and getting the place tidy so that you own and use the stuff that really matters to you without being distracted by stuff that isn’t important but is nevertheless given space and seems to sap energy. One of my goals is to have a clutter clearing slot each week which is another thing that has been on my list but never assigned. I did have a little flirt with ebay in autumn 2011 and once the routine is set it’s not too hard to list those items.

Java programming

This was the thing that caused the most upheaval to my plans in 2011. In late summer I began to catch up with the study again but it all ground to a halt when I got ill in late November and also took a bit of a detour having discovered a database course with Stanford University. They are rolling out more courses in 2012 and I’ve signed up with two of them. So rather than focusing my efforts on one thing I’ve spread the net out again. But I’m also now wondering how much I’m studying in order to get a new career and how much I’m doing it because it interests me. The rate at which I’m doing this means that it will take me a long time to get to an employable level so I might as well forget about that for now. What my friend said to me in February 2011 still stands, that in order to develop my skills to an appreciable level I need to focus and drop everything else. But I simply have too many interests and I lack the faith to commit myself fully to anything like this even though he has a lot of confidence in me. I like to stick with the familiar even though I am fed up with many aspects of my life.

I’m going to be doing a course in Cryptography and also Software as a Service. One starts in January and one in February. I’m hoping that I will have completed the website work that I have currently undertaken by then. I’m no longer kidding myself that I’m going to be ready to get a programmer job by the summer but I’m still keen to study. Once I’ve finished these courses I’ll be focusing on Java programming again.

Reading a book a month

With the purchase of the Kindle and being embarrassed about how little I had been reading this goal came into being and really took off in 2011. Later in the year I not only used the Kindle but also my Android phone and iPad. This one has been so enjoyable that I’ve carried it over.

Reading day

This goal is simple – one day a month reading at cafes or pubs. Sitting outdoors in the park or next to the river if the weather is good. This also doubles as a proper holiday when I leave all my normal work and chores behind, even my list of goals and tasks.

Regular cycle rides

I’ve joined Audax UK and this will be part of a larger project to try and shift my cycling from commuting to rides. One of these will be organised rides such as Audax or perhaps with the london fixed gear and single speed forum. I’ve been meaning to get involved with regular organised rides for a long time but just haven’t got around to it. The other method will be solo rides around London and just outside. As I explained in the 120 miles per week goal, I cannot simply add mileage to each commute as it only works in theory. To get myself to do that on a regular basis means just more London traffic riding.

Some possible strategies might be creating some distance groups as I have done in Sweden and bringing that mentality here to London. Once I have a shortlist of possible rides such as Orpington or Richmond Park then I can just pick and choose.

Healthy nutrition

In December 2011 after trying and failing to follow a healthy diet one bit of news from the doctor tipped me over the edge. Some people might have ignored this but when the results of a blood test showed that my cholesterol was high it was time to take action. I made drastic changes to my diet and cut out as much saturated fat as possible.

My diet changed from eating large amounts of buttered toast, biscuits, cakes and crisps to toast with oil, porridge for snacks and vegetable soups for dinner. Lots of oily fish was my Christmas menu. My plan is to take the questionnaire with the Food Doctor and create a more detailed plan but keep the main elements of what I have now. I love food and I love to eat loads but if it only took such a small scare to prompt me into action then it shows that I really did want to develop better nutrition.

Speed reading

I’ve practised speed reading techniques on and off for many years but have never really pursued it systematically. Now that I have an iPad and a speed reading app all I need to do is to create a slot for doing my speed reading. With all the books that I plan to read as well as articles and posts I think that this will be a skill that will come in very handy.

Blogging

My blog has been very neglected. In 2011 there were mainly monthly reports and not much else. I had a try at more freeform blogging with the “What went well” category during 2010 but soon lost the plot with that. I’m now going back to the original idea behind the my blog which is just me keeping track with myself. A set of private documents made public. The posts are primarily for me but shared with the general public. Where I was going wrong was that I was trying to create an audience or write for an audience and that just caused me to block. Whenever I thought about writing a post it had to match some sort of undefined criteria or standard format. First of all it was not clearly defined and secondly I could never meet that standard. I did have many ideas for posts but they either got added to a list or simply forgotten.

Since I’ve had accounts on Facebook and Twitter I do post a lot. Microblogging. I have an audience and so it’s easy to post a short line knowing that someone will read it. But lots of those very short posts could easily be expanded into lengthier ones of a paragraph or much more.

One of the other original ideas behind my blog was to keep track of the things that I was learning as a web developer. I’ve hardly done this at all and have found that I’ve had to relearn some things and look up the references all over again. If I had written down some notes on how I had completed these procedures then it would have been a lot easier. I wanted to use my blog as a repository of these notes but also other learning experiences aside from website development.

Now for the short projects or ones that aren’t ongoing.

Revamp the blog layout

This one has been on the list since my design site had a makeover back in late 2008. If the blog revamp does take place this year then it would make it 4 years late. My original plan was to give it the same look and feel as my design site but it doesn’t necessarily have to look like that. I could even find a template that is out there and use that. It all depends on how I want to use my blog and how I want to display the content. Instead of my users (if there are any regular users) I’m going to be focusing on myself. I have to imagine that I’m the only one using it as though it’s hosted locally. It’ll be interesting to see if I actually do it this year and how it will look if I do.

Build a Hackintosh

In 2011 I bought a Mac G5 2.3 dual processor model dating back to late 2005. That’s quite old in terms of computers but as Apple machines are build very well this one is a solid workhorse. But its main drawback is that it has a PPC architecture and many software developers no longer support it. Even Apple themselves are slowly dropping support. It’s all Intel now. I like to sit at my desk to work and I also like to have a machine where the hardware can be configured easily which means a desktop machine. The current models of the Mac Pro would fit the bill but are totally outside my budget.

I wanted to start developing Android apps and iOS apps so to get me started I bought an old Dell Optiplex machine and set it up as a development environment. With an SSD drive as the main boot drive and Windows XP it knocks spots off my G5 in terms of speed. This got me thinking. I have always wanted to build my own computer from scratch especially having modified many desktop machines. I would be able to learn a lot about how a computer works and get a computer that would just as good if not better than a Mac Pro for a fraction of the price. I would still need to stick to a tight budget as I don’t have a lot of excess funds but it would be so worth it.

Start straight shaving

Ever since I first started DE shaving what I wanted to try was shaving with a straight razor. I’ve done a bit of research over the years and have a rough idea of what’s required. I’ve been reading up on technique, the best way to start and sharpening. Apparently the closest shave ever and totally old school. I love the simplicity of it in the same way as I enjoy using a good quality fountain pen or riding my fixed gear bike.

Go for a proper bike fitting

In the summer of 2011 I had a made to measure bike made by Racer Rosa bicycles. Some of my wheel build clients spoke about this guy in Ealing called the Bike Whisperer and how he had changed their whole ride in just a couple of hours. I’m looking for that fine tuning.

Get divorced

I’ve been separated since the end of January 2009 and I think it was high time to make things proper and legal. A little research required but after that it’s just about getting a lawyer and incurring the costs. And that is what I need to weigh up before proceeding with this. I assume that costs will be incurred on the other side too and as the separation was fairly amicable I don’t want to dump extra costs onto my ex as a kind of retaliation. It’s not that kind of a break up and don’t really want to go down that road.

Now a short list of principles

Principles and strategies and ways to implement my goals. Some are carried over from last year and some are new this year and have been gradually taking hold during 2011.

• GTD session
• Being focused
• Defining each goal clearly
• Looking over the year plan

GTD session

Initially I used to have a weekly planning session where I would look at my to do list and assign them to slots that were available during the coming week. But as I have moved over to the more encompassing GTD methodology I am now having these sessions twice a week but also looking over my GTD spreadsheet on more occasions. The aim with GTD is what is called the “full capture”. This simply means everything that concerns you. All the divisions between various areas of your life are stripped away and there is just one big project which is your life. I’ve tried to group my actions but have found that it’s better to keep all of them visible as one big list. There are things that aren’t on the year plan but are equally important and they do get done. This is very encouraging so I’m sticking with it.

Part of the GTD system as well as collecting and gathering together all of your concerns is a reminder system. You have to be able to trust the system to look after your concern so that you stop thinking about it and that means that it will remind you at some point. There are quite a few reminder systems available both paid and free. I’ve opted for Astrid tasks.

Being focused

The ultimate goal, the goal above all goals is to be totally focused on what you’re doing without being distracted. The fact that I have so many goals (don’t we all) means that it’s easy to think about something else while you’re working on one thing. The phone might ring or you get an alert for a message or a reminder and suddenly your focus has shifted. So all of these possible distractions have to be put to one side in order to be able to focus on the task in hand. Any new ideas and concerns can be jotted down and filed away but quickly, so that the flow is not lost. Clearing away mental clutter so that all of yourself is fully involved. It starts off happening by accident and then by design. By careful observation we can deduce the conditions required to generate this state of mind.

Defining each goal clearly

Referring to GTD once more we have the concept of actions. A goal can remain vague and amorphous until it becomes a project. A project is simply a list of actions. An action is something that you do. Let’s take the goal of going shopping. This is a project that is made up of various actions such as creating a shopping list, getting money ready and carrier bags. It’s simple and probably doesn’t need much thought but without that thought you might end up at the supermarket without your pound coin for the trolley, no list and have ended up there during peak hours when you could have gone during an off peak period. So with all of my goals above I’m going to take a little time to define each goal clearly and develop actions.

Looking over the year plan

This is being carried over from 2011 as I did find it extremely helpful as a reminder of my intentions at the start of the year. It put me in the reflective frame of mind that was required to write a review at the end of the month. One of the things that I thought about doing but never did in 2011 was to gradually reshape the year plan as goals were dropped but thought it better to leave it in its original state as it was a plan for the year.

Monthly reviews

I don’t really need to mention this one except for the fact that the way I was writing this did change over the course of 2011. Instead of writing the report at the end of the month I wrote it all the way through the month as I was focused on each goal listed. This gave me a much more accurate picture of my performance and my relationship to that goal. I’m also keeping all of the reports under version control on a remote server and I can look through how the report developed over the course of that month. It’s about homing in on what I really want rather than what I think I want or perhaps ought to want as a means of being accepted by the world. Being yourself and following your heart isn’t easy when the tide might be flowing the other way. Close scrutiny and objective feedback are required to monitor this process to make sure that it remains authentic.

Summary

It seems that the GTD methodology is having a greater influence on my life and my goals. What I can see from reading through this year plan is that the overall aim is to clear away clutter and focus on what is important. Clutter in the form of stuff, ideas, goals and relationships. With the clutter cleared away all that is left is what is really important and there is nothing to distract you.

My dirt threshold is quite high compared to the average person. By average person I mean all the people that I know because I don’t have any studies of what most people might consider a dirty room or an untidy room. Aesthetics and cleanliness are quite subjective, but the two do seem to go together. I hoover my flat perhaps once a week and mop the floors every fortnight or so. I rarely clean the kitchen or bathroom and am certainly not one who puts bleach down every hole.

A friend of mine asked if I would be cleaning my flat in readiness for my daughters birthday party. I said that I would hoover and possibly mop but grumpily replied that I didn’t clean for guests. When I examined this response I realised that I’m not against cleaning but having lived for 18 months with people who were obsessed with keeping their flat clean I did find myself rebelling against it. So much so that when I moved into my own flat by myself, I made a point of doing little or no cleaning.

Once I had thought this through I realised that I needed to reclaim cleaning and reconnect with it. I needed to sever the connection with those people who imposed the cleaning rota upon me. It was up to me to clean as little or as much as I wanted. Both hygiene and aesthetics are considerations but a third consideration is my own attitude to my surroundings. If I allow dirt and untidiness to build up to a point where it is neither hygienic nor aesthetically pleasing then it’s a clear indication that I’ve allowed things to slip. If I’m living alone then it’s for me now that I’m doing the cleaning and not for a fascist live in landlord. So if I say that I don’t care then what I’m really saying is that I don’t care about myself.

I did clean in the end and more than just hoovering and mopping. I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom wiping down all the surfaces. I put away many items that were currently not in use and even did some dusting of cobwebs. I actually rather enjoyed it and am very pleased with the results. I won’t make the cover of Home and Garden but atmosphere created by a clean and tidy environment feels so much more healthy and positive. Of course now the challenge is to keep it this way and it will act as a barometer of my state of mind.