arup’s blog

Compared to July August has been a complete washout. I’m not talking metaphorically here. I’m only talking about the weather. It meant I spent less time in the garden. But today is it’s fine and there is a bit of sun so I’m back out here. Being indoors wasn’t so bad though as it allowed me to settle into my new flat in a different way rather than using the garden all the time. Now that almost two months have passed since my move I can say that the transition phase where I haven’t quite left the old place or haven’t fully arrived at the new place, has passed. I’m here now and I’m not thinking about the old place at all. I’m starting to find my little rituals and routines and generally feeling that it’s my place now rather than somewhere I’m staying only temporarily.

Having a proper desktop makes such a difference rather than sitting in bed with a laptop. I still do that sometimes first thing in the morning or late at night but my old G4 with a new P-RAM battery is running rather well especially with the studio monitor speakers hooked up to it and the big 20″ screen. I was thinking quite seriously about getting a 2nd hand G5 to have a machine that was a lot quieter and faster for a good price. But I’m not in a position financially to even spend such a small sum. So with a few tweaks I’ve managed to make it just a touch faster and a touch quieter. Which of course makes the whole experience more pleasant. Now the weak link in the chain is the desk. The chair isn’t too comfortable either. This is where I need to invest my resources as I spend so much time at my workstation. Not that I’m always working.

So in a sense it’s still all a bit makeshift and I’m still using the chipped crockery that was left for me, but I don’t mind. I’m comfortable enough and I do all the things that I enjoy, the most important thing being that I’m on my own.

The main conundrum or dilemma that I face at the moment is creating a balance between enjoying the here and now and planning for the future. My landlords have given me an indication that I’m likely to have this place for at least two years or 24 months as they like to count it. Which leaves me with 22 now. My dilemma is this: given that I don’t know what I’ll be doing and how I’ll be living after that time (do we ever really know?) should I just enjoy all my spare time in leisure activities such as sudoku, computer gaming or watching movies or should I use this time to try and set myself up and prepare for the next move as the time will pass quickly? The quick passing of time is a good argument for both and actually points to a deeper human dilemma of the choice between eternalism and nihilism. Forget about the future and just enjoy the here and now or nose to the grindstone so that when the time comes you’re ready. The answer of course is that a middle path has to be trodden. One has to seize the opportunity, get in the garden while it’s sunny but also go out and do the shopping while it’s dry. Embracing either strategy too fully would not be a good idea either psychologically or practically. But the middle path is not half of one and half of the other, it’s a balance that is forever changing and only by staying in touch with oneself can one maintain a sense of that ratio from moment to moment, from day to day. On some days I feel totally in tune with it and on others I feel totally out of touch.

So how about my specific goals?

120 miles

The mileage is considerably lower than it was in the first half of the year. Last week my Monday evening client changed to Tuesday and so there was no mileage at all on the Monday. My miles come only from commuting to work. What about actual rides? I need to do it if I want to reach that quota. But somehow I don’t mind being home too much when it’s something that I’ve been wanting for such a long time. Longer than I’ve wanted my mileage quota.

Meditation

My short sits after the morning pages seem to be getting longer but I don’t seem to be doing it at any other time. Still can’t figure out why that is. I remember having a strategy to take it that step further but it still hasn’t happened. I’m enjoying my ten minutes a day but it would be nice to have a longer one now and again.

Yoga

When I’m teaching a class I’m thinking that it’s so easy and that it’s puny compared to my own practice but then where is my own practice? My yoga room is ready and waiting but somehow not quite inviting enough. I had the idea of taking up the 300 week course again but I’m only thinking about it. It would be so cool to go back to my yogic roots in that way.

Friends

Hasn’t been quite as social as last month and I must say I haven’t made much of an effort. I suppose I just wanted to enjoy that space of being alone and hence neglecting my friends has been a way to maintain a certain distance and enjoy my new found freedom. I won’t be a stranger for too long, I promise.

De-clutter

It’s a bigger place so stuff is building up but you can’t see it. There is a lot more storage space making it easy to hide stuff that will probably never get used again. Audio cables from yesteryear and T-shirts that I’ll never wear. I need a chucking out day or an hour or something on a regular basis or it’s just going to keep building up. What then?

Goalless

I’ve been really good on this one. I’ve been watching so many films, nearly one a day and playing lots of games. I’m back on Evony which I’m not sure is a good or bad thing. I’ve also been playing xbox again and generally faffing about a lot. This was the dilemma that I was talking about at the start: get stuff done or get nothing done? Finding a middle ground is the best way forward but perhaps not quite obvious how to strike that balance and hence I’m see-sawing between doing lots and doing nothing.

Programming

I’ve done little bits of programming in the web development that I do but haven’t worked on it in the way that I did when I was studying. Months have now passed since the end of the course and it is slowly going out of my mind. I’m forgetting the syntax and concepts and I’m also losing even the faintest motivation. Bit of a bummer that. I hope I come up with an idea soon or this one is lost.

Health plan

I’ve started doing some rudimentary meal planning which means an improvement over the junk food that I love so much. There is still some of that but at least a little more fruit and veg is making its way into my gut. Having Maya around also helps as I tend to cook more fresh stuff and then I will eat with her. The strength training is also continuing. I can feel myself getting stronger but I can also sense that an injury could be just around the corner which would mean a long break or even the end. Well at least I’ll be well prepared to begin the health plan next year.

What went well

There was a week or so when I did this quite religiously, a bit like with my morning pages or even with the report. But then I missed a day or two and then lost the thread. Interruptions and distractions that break the flow of something good. Perhaps something significant, perhaps something profound.

It seems that in general I’ve been learning to relax again after pushing myself to be productive at all costs and at all times. Each waking moment had to be working on myself, on developing my skills and abilities. But hanging out with my old friend Mr. Fun is making me look at this in a whole new way. But I’m not sure what that way really is or if it really is effective. But I’m willing to just see how it plays out. No more big goals.

After two months of living at my new flat I finally got around to mowing the lawn. In fact as it turned out I mowed three small lawns. My own back lawn which I’m looking at right now, my front lawn and the neighbours back lawn. The back garden is split with the upstairs neighbour and at one point she cheekily asked if I’d do hers as well. Once I’d finished my two I was on a roll so I thought why not. It was all very quick and easy and took me only an hour in total. That included time for sharpening the blade and cleaning the mower after use. It was quite enjoyable and I got it done just in time before the rain started.

Having quit Evony for a few months I’m back and luckily I’m not giving myself too much of a hard time about it. In fact I’m making provision for myself to play. Yesterday I got my main attack hero up to 200. I think that’s the highest I’ve ever got them in all the time that I’ve played. That’s all from starting up again from scratch (rebuilding an empty city) about a month ago.

Last weekend I lowered my gear ratio from 16T to 17T but after a few days it seemed just as hard somehow. Was it the hub bearing? Nope. I’d checked that when I had fitted the new sprocket. So perhaps the bottom bracket? I checked the chain and re-read Sheldon Brown’s article on chain wear. My Park Tools chain checker showed that the chain did indeed need to be replaced. A brand new KMC track chain was ready and waiting in my parts box so I fitted it and of course checked the bottom bracket while I did so. No problems as far as I could see and hear. I used the special connecting link rather than simply using the chain tool as I thought that I might like to remove it for cleaning at some point. I didn’t lube the chain at all. One of the things that Sheldon explained in his article was the light factory oil that comes with a new bicycle chain is the best lube of all and that one should run the chain with that as far as possible.

But the next part was the best part: the riding. I was now experiencing the full smoothness and speed of the drivetrain. It all felt buttery smooth and I was going a touch faster too. So thanks again to Mr. Sheldon Brown for showing me the way, bike wise at least.

I also purchased a new wheel truing stand today along with a master mechanic spoke key. The spoke key is a bit of a treat for myself and I want to see if it really is better than the one that I’m using at the moment. The truing stand is exactly the same make and model as the one that I currently use, the Park TS-7. I’m getting it to have a second truing stand for the next wheel building workshop which I’m planning to run on the 21st of August. I’ve posted a piece about it on the lfgss forum which is where most people came from last time. I hope it will be a worthy investment.

I also tried pear cider for the first time. It’s ok but a little too sweet and not quite as nice as the apple variety. I’ve become a bit of a fan of cider lately probably due to the hype that it’s been getting. Nice alternative to beer but I sense that it’s just a bit of a phase.