fear of letting go
During my sit a few days ago I made it an exercise to notice what it was that kept taking me away from my object of concentration. I wanted to see if there was any particular theme or something that connected all those distractions together. Well after my short sit I did indeed notice something.
I think a lot and I have lots of good ideas. And I find it very difficult to let go of those ideas. Because they may be useful in my life or could solve a problem or could even make me money. I get anxious when turn something over in my mind thinking that I may forget it if I don’t write it down. I worry that there will be no more good ideas if I should let go now and simply focus on the breath or whichever object of concentration I happen to be using.
So this is the situation. I have set myself the goal of putting all my attention onto this one object of concentration but all around me are these seemingly great ideas. It’s all too tempting. I can’t let go. I’m scared of letting go and focusing on the breath. These ideas may not be there any more. But I realised something: that not only do I experience this during meditation, but during everyday life.
I do a lot of things and I’m always taking on new projects and considering new ideas. I spread myself quite thin and wonder why I don’t seem to make progress in one particular area. But it is as stated above. If I were to focus on one thing then it would appear that I would have to sacrifice the others. If I focus on my yoga then all the other things would suffer. Or would they? It only appears that way.
And so it is. It only appears that way. Many things appear to be a certain way when they are nothing of the sort. And that is fear. It is an illusion. But we are so gripped by this illusion that we believe it to be true. To see through it is to see the truth and that is the goal. 