progress report june 2009
June is that time of the year when I not only assess and report on the progress of that month but take a long view of the first half of the year.
June has been an absolute scorcher in terms of the weather but has it been so in terms of my goals? One of the things that I have managed to do this month is to take a step back from my day to day life and take a look at the bigger picture. Now I know I’m supposed to do this on a regular basis especially on Sunday afternoons when I plan the week and of course when I write the monthly progress report. But quite often it can be a case of going through the motions and getting the job done. But this month it has been a natural urge to think about things; the big things in life. Some of the things that have helped this process have been walks along the Grand Union Canal and a resurgence of the regular meditation practice. Both of which I’ll talk about in more detail. I’ve had a good level of interest and motivation in all the things that I do and things have been generally ticking over rather well. Workwise I’m still teaching yoga, building websites and constructing bicycle wheels. The studying has been somewhat erratic but I’m settling into it and feel more of a connection with this subject than I did with Ruby or with Rails.
What can I say about the year so far? Well goals aside the main feeling has been one of anxiety. Money worries and what would happen if my small income which even though covers my costs were to be stripped away. Add to that the fact that I want to stop teaching yoga, my attitude to work has been a bit like the average 9 to 5er. Even doing websites has become less enjoyable as the challenge is no longer there and it is simply the business of doing basic things well and keeping customers happy. But that’s not what I want. I want to learn new things. To challenge myself and my clients. But that’s risky. So there has been a lot of frustration and anguish along with the anxiety. I don’t have the courage just to quit yoga and throw myself into finding something else partly due to the pessimistic climate of the global financial crisis. I also have a child and my income supports my child. I simply have to wait until I’m ready. My motivation to study has also suffered as a result of these inner conflicts and I’m quite surprised that given my state of mind I’ve managed to achieve any of my goals and do even a small amount of study. Perhaps it’s the focusing of my mind on these goals and doing something about them that gives me a sense of structure and routine which allows me to get through it.
Riding a minimum of a 100 miles a week
It’s getting quite comfortable now and I do take it in my stride. The new gear ratio has helped a lot and has brought me one step closer to the bike and what it means to ride fixed gear. And I’m feeling fitter than ever.
Meditation
Can you believe that I’ve managed to get it up and running again. I tried so many strategies and racked my brain for ideas. But the key that finally unlocked the meditation door was finding the right spot. One day I discovered it almost by accident. I was wondering about a good spot at the time and also pondering on a suitable time of day. Then I asked myself why I did not simply do it right there and then. And so it came to pass. It’s only for about 10 mins directly after my Morning Pages session. I take two yoga blocks which are on my chair and then replace them when I’m done. Sometimes I sit for more than 10 minutes but usually only that long. It feels so natural and unforced and I wonder why it took me so long to find.
My own yoga practice
I have a space for the mat. I get on it and see what happens. Usually I just allow my body or my urge to decide and it seems to work. I did think about a plan or a course but this is much better. I’m doing it. I’m actually doing it.
Keeping in touch with friends
I’ve been having what you might call a social life. Staying out late, drinking and going out. Even a visit form an old friend whom I hadn’t seen for a long time.
The wheel log
I’m up to date again. I did miss a couple of photos though and not quite sure how that happened but they are all in there or on there however you want to look at it. The count is about 45 give or take one or two which have been repairs and I’m pretty sure two were only half builds where I simply had to tension and true them. So if I’m to build a hundred this year then I’m right on track.
De-cluttering my life
Even though I didn’t get rid of much stuff there has been very little making its way in. So that is a good thing I guess. When you’ve chucked out so much stuff already it’s hard to find more stuff to chuck out. But I do see it from time to time and it bugs me. Which means that there is a need for doing this.
Relaxing & goalless activities
As I mentioned earlier, my walks along the Grand Union Canal have been a real boon. They provide a break from the routine, a chance to take in a bit of the countryside, to stretch my legs and exercise in a way that isn’t cycling and simply a chance to step back from the world. I suppose that looking back one can say that there are these reasons why I do it but I also do it for its own sake and because it gives me that feeling of being on holiday and just strolling. With the gorgeous weather we’ve had in June the walks have been with ice cream in hand.
IT Training
I suppose that Ruby and Rails were under the larger umbrella of IT training with a view to securing a better job and then giving up what I’m doing now. And last month I discovered MySQL. I’ve had a few ups and downs with that but on the whole I like it. I seem to be gravitating towards it naturally. And that can only be a good thing: if I simply enjoy doing it; paid or unpaid. There is still a long way to go before I can sell my skills but I’m putting less pressure on myself and worrying a bit less about my money running out and needing to be financially secure. Because life is running out and if I don’t enjoy it now then when?
Other stuff
Other things that deserve a mention even though they aren’t goals are playing the guitar and doing press-ups. I’ve taken to doing counter top half press-ups which I call Teatime press-ups. I try to see how many I can do while the kettle boils and I’ve made it easy with half press-ups rather than full ones. I’m averaging around 30. And I’ve also been playing the guitar often in the same spot as I have been meditating. It’s quite at random moments for about 20 minutes or so but again through a natural urge rather than through any kind of plan or regime. Maybe I’m learning to trust myself.