arup’s blog

As I was writing the report for July 2011 the goals for the year struck me more clearly than they had during the writing of any other report. The feeling was similar to the level of clarity and enthusiasm that I had when I originally set the goals for the year in January. One of the newer developments that I’ve started this year as opposed to previous years is to re-read the year plan each month before writing the report and now I’ve had another idea. It’s to write the report on an ongoing basis. Normally I look back over the month and survey my performance but certain significant events can be missed or little details that could important later on. So my plan for August is to build the report over the course of the month.

At the start of the year my plan was to simply enjoy the time I spent at this flat not knowing how long I have here. But after March the goal shifted from simple health and well being to developing a new career path. The next phase was setting up my life in order to study and get myself ready for that prospective career. But now that I have freed up that time I am simply full of doubts which is a great excuse to just flob out as I call it. Watching movies, aimless surfing, playing xbox and eating too much. The thing is that I can’t seem to do this without feeling a little bit guilty. I should be studying because that was my plan. I have given myself the option of abandoning my plan to study and become a developer but having come this far it would be a real waste if I didn’t take this idea a few steps further.

So August was just about enjoying the last of the summer days which were wet and rainy and cold. Figures say that this has been the coldest summer in the UK for a very long time. The city has been very quiet and I have been chugging along as always.

120 miles

Somehow I don’t think so. It’s hard to measure as I haven’t been setting my speedometer to zero at the start of the week but due to teaching fewer classes and thus having more time at home and obviously not going for any rides, without even looking at the cycle computer I know that I haven’t been completing that amount of mileage. But I imagine I’ve been pretty close.

Meditation

Something that I’ve been trying this month is to think without words. It came as a result of studying speed reading on YouTube. The reason that reading speeds are relatively slow for most people is that we read “aloud” even when we read silently. So the symbols on the page which we recognise as particular sounds still make that sound even with our mouth closed. A sound in our minds. Hence it has to pass via the larynx. If we can learn to bypass the larynx then we can simply recognise the meaning of the symbols without creating a sound externally or internally so that the information moves more directly from the page via the optic nerve. But this made me think that if reading causes the larynx to be active and thus cause the process of visual symbol recognition to be slowed down then perhaps the internal dialogue also causes the us to be distracted from a more direct perception of the world.

I have tested this theory during sessions of meditation and even while doing other things such as cycling. With dialogue volume turned down other mental events come more sharply into focus. One thing I noticed was that I naturally hanker after my thought process and often slip into using the meditation session as a time to think about issues in my life. With the thinking process taken out of focus all the other sensations become more vibrant and alive.

Yoga

I’ve been wanting to quit teaching yoga for quite a number of years now and sometimes the urge is very strong. I remembered that aside from the need to cover costs one of my original motivations for starting to teach yoga was that it would be a means to keep me doing it. I would be forced to do it because it was my job. But now that I don’t even do my own practice due to it being my job and I don’t want to take my work home with me I wondered what would happen when I do actually quit teaching. Over the past few years my class numbers have dropped from twelve to five and I can certainly feel the difference. If I wasn’t teaching at all would I even do any yoga? I would like to think that I would but I need to build up the habit again before I finally quit or even go down to one or two classes a week. I don’t want to lose my practice altogether.

Friends

I have been somewhat annoyed with my friends this month. Not all them. With some it’s a two way process where we each make an equal amount of effort to keep in touch and make contact. But some can go out of contact for a very long time and then it’s up to me to make that first move. I have forgiven them for this many times in the past and have accepted that some people are just like that and I seem to have many of those people as friends. But this month I did find it hard to forgive. I imagine that feeling can be likened to a parent wishing for their children to contact them. Sometimes you wonder whether the friendship still exists but once contact is made all the doubts just clear away. But I wonder sometimes what would happen if I were stop making that first move.

I have often thought about making and keeping contact with those friends mentioned above into a managed and systematic process. It’s on my list of things to do but due to the frustration I feel from having to always be the one that makes that contact I have let the idea remain on the list.

De-clutter

I’ve been preparing a list of things to sell on Ebay especially after having bought a new computer and a new bike I have parts from the old ones knocking about. But the influx of stuff is relentless. As I’ve said before, this is a big flat for one person so it fills up easily. I have perhaps thrown out less than 10% of what has entered the flat. I think I need someone to be firm and come and do this for me.

Java programming

Lots of thinking, reflecting and wondering about the future. Undertaking Java self-study and working as a developer does tick all the boxes but is it really what I want? What do I really want career wise and lifestyle wise?

It may not be what I want to do longer term but I am interested in it and I do need money so I think I need to play safe for the time being. I’ve been looking at Android development tutorials on YouTube and along with my other resources such as BlueJ, Oracle tutorials and the Head First books I have plenty to keep me busy.

As a diversion I started looking into Android development tutorials and that got me thinking about the whole idea of apps. Even though programming skills are required to build apps the very word seems to have a connotation of a neatly packaged item with the inner workings well hidden. The focus then turns from the developer to the user. This is the point that I’ve been missing. I’ve been thinking too much about development and being a developer but have lost touch with the user. Apps, and software in general is for the user. The multitude of non-developers. What do they want? What do they need? How do they want to use a computer to solve their problems? These are type of questions that I should be asking. Without users there would be no place for apps or app developers.

Strength training

In July’s report I mentioned that even though my routine has become quite regular there doesn’t seem to be any progress. I did some research and found this article which I found pithy and addressing my current issues directly. The average time of my workout has increased though from 15 minutes to 30 minutes but that isn’t an issue really. In just the first week of using this method I can feel that the muscles have been worked more deeply than before but as to progress we’ll see at the end of August.

Reading a book a month

Just read one of the Jack Reacher series by Lee Child called Running Blind. An easy read and in no way a literary masterpiece by any means but very much a page turner. Part of me feels a bit guilty for reading trashy stuff like this as I feel I should be spending my reading time only on the classics but I do watch trashy movies and feel a lot less guilty about that. I suppose it’s because of the time that is spent reading such a book as opposed to a movie which lasts only about 2 hours.

Raw food and meal planning

I have been planning meals this month but they haven’t really been healthy ones. The extra flab which hasn’t really bothered me much over the past two years is beginning to bother me now. So it’s time for a change. But two years is a good length of time to set a habit in place. I have built up routines and structures with regard to food which haven’t really been planned. It’s time to analyse those habits and keep the good ones.

Tech free periods

If you consider reading the Kindle a tech free period then yes, lots of time away from technology. But I wonder what this goal really means. It needs a more positive rephrasing, saying what I should be doing rather than stating what I should not be doing i.e. avoiding technology. Something like spend time in the country. I think I’m going to drop this one in next months report. That’s another one gone.

Proper holidays

On the weekend of the 20-21 of August I went down to Brighton with Maya. The forecast looked bad but it turned out really nice in the end. Caught up with a very good friend who I haven’t seen for more than a year as she has moved to the other side of the world. On a sunny and calm Saturday afternoon we went sailing along the coast from Brighton Marina to Shoreham Power Station.

A second holiday occurred during the bank holiday weekend 27-28 of August. It was a stay-at-home holiday and was actually from Thursday the 25th to Wednesday 31st morning. Only a yoga class to teach on Sunday 28th but aside from that basically lots of time off. Reading, watching movies and relaxing. Although as I mentioned above it has been hard to relax and let go of my ideas about the future.

July has been a mental struggle between trying to just sit back and relax and giving myself a hard time over the lack of programming and study. At the end of June I did my last day at Saddlers Sport Centre and had Thursdays free in order to start my studies. But what happened? The main thing was getting lots and lots of orders for wheels. It became a bit of a full time job culminating with an order for a possible 200 wheels. Having been doing website work until the end of June I felt that I deserved a break so rather than use the time to study I spent it just relaxing. Sometimes it was easy to relax and let go but all the while I kept telling myself that I was getting into debt as it were because the time that I had freed up came from turning down paid work.

But relax I did and enjoyed it as best I could. There were plenty of warm days in spite of the British weather which gave rise to rain and more rain. My path is now set. From now until the time I have to vacate these premises my plan is to devote myself to studying Java programming and software development in order to secure employment as a developer.

120 miles

With my new bike and my new speedometer it’s all going rather well and I even went for my first proper ride of the year. It was a beautiful sunny day and I made my way down to Richmond Park. I want to do my first Audax ride before the year is out, hopefully by the end of summer and I need to get some training in so that I can manage 100k without too much effort. So this is part of that training. So all good on the mileage front.

Meditation

I did my extra sessions only once or twice this month and even missed a few of my post morning pages sessions. A little too excited to get stuff done. But this is still chugging along at a rate at which I’m happy so in spite of a slight dip I think I’m good here.

Yoga

I got a yoga room and I have time but I don’t seem to have the inclination. The pattern that seems to be emerging is that I do a short practice on Saturday mornings. Better than nothing I guess and regular.

Friends

I’ve been to see my friend in Switzerland as you can see in the holiday section. I have also been a bit more sociable since my website work came to an end. I also had more classes to teach in June so July has been a chance to wind down and relax make up for the lost time. I could get a little bit more systematic with my friendship and who I see and how often etc. But friendship is an organic thing so I’m just letting it flow naturally. I think I have good balance between working, spending time alone and spending time with friends. At least what I would call a good balance.

De-clutter

Now that I have a new computer and a new bike I have parts from the old ones that need to go. I have quite a few things to sell or give away. Lately I’ve been buying lots of things small and large. Some are replacement items and the old item is still here. I’m really struggling with how to do this. I am also still undecided about my music gear. And every time I think about getting rid of the xbox I get the urge to play. I’ve been in this flat for just over a year now and I wonder how much stuff I’ve accumulated since then.

Java programming

Planning, planning and more planning. Now that I have the time I seem to have lost the motivation somewhat. I have already gone into this in my opening paragraphs and my greatest fear is that during all the planning and preparation the urge has been lost, like I’ve booked the hotel but no longer want to travel. I sincerely hope that this isn’t the case. We shall see in August. But there was no Java coding going on in July apart from a little reading.

Strength training

I’ve gone from twice a week to three times a week but some weeks I do only two sessions. But on the whole this is continuing quite nicely. I don’t seem to be making any progress though. My strength has gone up I can see that but it has sort of leveled off. I’m not interested in massive gains but am interested in why it has plateaued like this.

Reading a book a month

Still reading Anna Karenina and about halfway through. It’s a long book. I seem to have missed my reading day though. As I mentioned last time I could probably do with another shorter book. But I am still enjoying my Kindle and the fact that I am reading on a more regular basis.

Easy to grow vegetables

I think that I might as well give up on this one as I really don’t have the motivation to do it anymore. My rocket has gone to seed and my coriander never sprouted. I bought tomato and courgette seeds but never got round to sprouting them. What I have been doing though is growing seedlings in an empty hoummous pot using a tablet or pellet that came from Lurpak spreadable butter tub. I also have some thyme seeds. So even though I’m not using the garden to do my growing I’m still hanging in there.

Raw food and meal planning

It started out well at the start of the year and now it’s gone back to the way it was round christmas. I’m enjoying it though and I’m trying not to put too much pressure on myself. The main staple still seems to be toast although for a short while I managed to move over to porridge. The other thing I eat a lot is spinach with instant noodles so at least there is some vegetable in there. Raw? Raw tomatoes and sometimes a bit of fruit.

Tech free periods

I tend to think of my Kindle as a tech free item and now that I have a new computer that can easily be put into sleep mode there are more periods when the computer is off. I have had a lot of evenings in July though where I was watching movies on the computer so I haven’t really thought about this goal too much but it has sort of been happening naturally.

Proper holidays

Towards the end of July I went to visit my friend in Switzerland for a few days. I imagine that it will be my only flight this year but I will be taking other holidays. I had an excellent time and the weather was great in spite of the forecast. I was able to let go and enjoy myself and decided to leave my computer behind.

June has been a collection of endings and beginnings. It marks the culmination of many threads coming together and the setting up of an environment where I can finally set to work on getting myself ready for my future career. But with greater freedom there is a chance or danger that I can veer off course and end up somewhere other than where I wanted to go. It’s all sounding a bit general and cliche but all will become clear as I enter into the specifics of the June report.

So what has finished and what has started? I would say more of a cutting back than finishing completely. The end of June was my last class at City University which means an extra day for me to study and also to teach less yoga. Sort of killing two birds with one stone. June has seen the cutting back of my web design work. I completed two websites in June which had been continuing for the past few months. I have decided that I will only take on more web design work if it does not involve any more learning because I could spend that time learning Java which will lead to greater income. These endings have led to the start of my study program or at least have freed up my time in order take up my home study program.

However, having this extra time and also having allowed 3 months to elapse since my Java intensive in March means that I could if I’m not careful just end up squandering this time that I have available on other things. It’s true that I need to have a little break having worked so hard throughout June but I did have a little holiday in June and I will be having another one at the end of July. I’m also a little worried about my spending after having opened the purse as it were to allow necessary purchases. I’ve got myself the new computer and the new bike now but am also finding it hard to curtail the purchase mentality. It’s good fun but I have to remember that my resources are limited at least for the time being.

120 miles

At long last I can monitor my mileage once more. I bought a Cateye Strada Wireless cycle computer and during the final week of June I completed 122 miles. That was partly on my old bike and partly on my new made to measure Lombardi bike. I’ll write more about my new bike in another post.

Meditation

Meditation has suffered during June. Due to the extra workload I haven’t been doing my twice weekly sits on Wednesday and Sunday mornings. I have been doing my short sits after my morning pages but that has been all.

Yoga

I have done some very short sessions on my own but only when I was very stiff and it was necessary. That’s not a bad thing and I’m happy that I’ve done something. But yoga is still tied up with work and I need to find a way to separate the two.

Friends

Although I didn’t focus on this specifically I did indeed keep up to date with a lot of friends. I have a plan of making it a bit more systematic and dividing my friends up into geographical regions but it hasn’t happened as yet. Social networking tools such as Skype and Facebook have been very useful in this respect.

De-clutter

I seem to be saying the same thing again that more and more stuff is entering my house and very little seems to going out. I guess I’m settling in and there is room to store stuff so I don’t mind it being here. If I find this goal so hard then why do I keep it there? I mean the wheel log became too difficult to maintain so I took it off the list so why not this one as well? I think that this one is a lot more important to me than that one but for some reason it has become some sort of insurmountable obstacle. Just like everything else though I can move it forwards.

Java programming

June has been all about setting up the correct environment for me start work on my Java training. The preparation has had many aspects. Firstly mental preparation in terms of self belief and even though I have a track record of studying things and then deciding to go another way I still want to give this a shot. I have nothing else that ticks all the boxes at the moment and no real passion for any other pursuit. I have created more time so that now I have an extra day on which to do study having finished teaching at City University on Thursdays. I have also decided that I won’t take on any web design work that would involve any study time. That time should be spent exclusively on Java as it will lead to greater revenue in the longer term. The other type of preparation has been to look at study tips on YouTube in order to optimise my study time as far as possible. So, making lists of resources, keeping my notes organised and creating a study schedule. They say Baroque music sets up alpha waves (or is it beta?) in the brain which is better for learning but I’ll stick with drum’n'bass I think.

Strength training

I did miss one or two sessions especially being away but I rescheduled and more than made up. I love the fact that this is an intense short blast. The main reason for doing this was to have a bit more upper body strength and power on the bike where I have noticed an improvement. The other reason was lifting Maya and carrying her around. That has got easier too especially as she is getting heavier.

Reading a book a month

The last book that I’ve been reading is a very long one so there is no way that I’m going to be able to finish it in a month let alone two months. I’ve been reading Brothers Karamazov on and off for the past 2 years. This one is Anna Karenina. Perhaps I should switch to a shorter one just to make up numbers.

Easy to grow vegetables

My rocket has bolted although what I did harvest was very nice. My coriander never did sprout or was perhaps got eaten by slugs. Must say that I’ve really gone off this idea. I don’t much like gardening and put off the lawn mowing and bush trimming as much as I can.

Raw food and meal planning

What happened here? Junk food has made a big comeback and I’m loving it. The plan was to eat 50% raw or work towards that but at the moment I would say it’s more like 5%. The intention is still there though so I think that I will keep trying with this one.

Tech free periods

It’s happened by accident but not by design. With the new computer I can actually put it to sleep unlike the one before so at least I’m not walking back into the room and seeing if anything has changed on Facebook or Twitter. It’s as though it’s a TV.

Since getting the new computer though I’ve been a lot more techy. I’ve been researching SSD drives and looking into Raptor RAID and installing more RAM. Once I’m settled into just using the machine I’m sure that will wear off and I’ll be able to put it to one side when the work is done.

Proper holidays

Had a weekend in Brighton with my daughter Maya. It was lovely to get away from the usual going to the park and watching movies and do something quite different. It was also an opportunity to catch up with old friends. Both Maya and I had a lovely time and can’t wait to go again.

It seems that so much has changed since the start of the year. Looking back at the year plan it was going to be a simple case of looking after myself and enjoying my time in this flat. But things got really busy and I developed a focus for a new career. It’s all good but it is interesting how my state of mind and outlook for the year was so very different only six months ago. This observation brings up the old chestnut of spontaneity vs discipline. This is one of my old chestnuts but is perhaps something of a koan for a lot of people. On the one hand we want to just follow our heart and be quite impulsive but at the same time we need to make plans and follow through. How we reconcile the two will be an ongoing and evolving struggle.